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Dear Neighbor

3,085 859 June 11, 2008 at 11:11 AM in Question
Complete this sentence with what you want to say to your neighbor, but won't.

Here is mine: Dear Neighbor, if we don't answer the phone please don't drive down here to see if we are home. We are, we are just ditching you due to your constant neediness.
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Joined Oct 2006
Freak On A Leash
> bubble2 3,781 Posts
2,418 Reputation
Princess Crunch
12-05-2008 at 02:18 PM.
12-05-2008 at 02:18 PM.
Dear Neighbor, kiss my ass & go to hell.
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Joined Jul 2005
L2: Beginner
> bubble2 41 Posts
10 Reputation
GOD
12-05-2008 at 02:25 PM.
12-05-2008 at 02:25 PM.
Hey hey you you get off of my cloud!!!
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Joined Oct 2006
Freak On A Leash
> bubble2 3,781 Posts
2,418 Reputation
Princess Crunch
12-05-2008 at 02:28 PM.
12-05-2008 at 02:28 PM.
Rofl2
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Joined Jan 2006
A very busy mommy
> bubble2 1,713 Posts
288 Reputation
halliwellfamily
12-05-2008 at 06:31 PM.
12-05-2008 at 06:31 PM.
Hey neighbor (also, add my SIL in this letter),
When you call and I don't answer, yes I am screening my calls, don't leave a message asking me to call you because you have a question to ask me. JUST ASK THE EFFING QUESTION!!!! And, please, tell your husband that I am not your childs babysitter when he is doing yard work. Just because I have kids and we have a big backyard (we chose a 2 story so we could have a big yard...you chose the 1 story with a tiny yard) doesn't mean that if he hears my kids playing in the yard that he can come over and I'll watch him.

Oh, and to the neighbor down the street (I haven't met you yet) your Christmas decorations are sooooo good!

That's all for now.
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Joined Jan 2006
A very busy mommy
> bubble2 1,713 Posts
288 Reputation
halliwellfamily
12-05-2008 at 06:36 PM.
12-05-2008 at 06:36 PM.
Quote from smiley333 :
Dear Neighbor 1 blk away:

I just returned from walking 2 puppies. From across the street I am greeted with a cheery HI! Wave from your adorable, big brown eyed, 4 year old son. This is not the first time I've seen him outside alone with car keys. Annoyed He's say's "I'm going to get something from mommy's car!" ... I'm thinking hmmm... where's mommy? He's in the front seat playing around, then gets out. I tell him to go back inside.

I continue my walk, then turn back around. Bigeye He now has the trunk open which is full of shopping bags!. Rofl2 bulb Christmas presents! He grabs a toy, reads it and says "For boy or girl 2-4, that me!"

EEK! I decide he probably shouldn't be in the trunk sneaking a peak at his presents, nor outside alone for so long with car keys. I kept thinking the mom would appear at any moment. look around Told him those might be Christmas presents and he should close the trunk, then I decided to make sure he went inside and was going to mention his escapade to mom. He then opens their front door and accidently lets out two huge dogs. (I Love Lucy scene here) Meanwhile, my puppies have wrapped me up tight in the leashes. Help I said go get your mom so she can get your doggies. He says she's sleeping! It's 11:30...by the way. Anyhoo, I ring doorbell, no answer, manage to untangle myself, catch her dogs and get them and the child back inside. Still no sign of mom. I leave to the sound of the boy tapping on the window to say good bye... keys still in hand. laugh out loud

...So, Mom, thought you might like to know what you missed while you were sleeping. Please take better care of your child. I could have been anyone, and a 4 year old should not be outside alone with car keys. I worry about him. Oh, and PS: He saw his Christmas pressies!
Some people I will never understand. There is no way I can sleep in the middle of the day when I am home with the kids by myself. I keep the doors locked (even though they can unlock doors) they know not to if it's locked. I can't tell you how many times I come home from dropping off older DS at school to the 3 (almost 4 yo) alone downstairs watching kid shows and DH is still upstairs sleeping. Not a clue I'm home until another 2 hours later when you wake up and start yelling to him cause he's not in bed still.

And really, who hides Christmas presents in the trunk if your kid has a habit of playing with your keys. That is what the attic is for. At least at that age....when they are older...Christmas presents get hidden at friends houses (or grandmas)
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Joined Jun 2006
Jambi-rific in Seattle!
> bubble2 31,436 Posts
2,810 Reputation
Zoe Moon
12-05-2008 at 06:47 PM.
12-05-2008 at 06:47 PM.
Dear neighbor. I realize your dream in life is to be the next Martha Stewart but those of us who don't have such lofty aspirations are getting a bit tired of your Marthaness. Who on earth has three little ones at home yet still finds time to do homemade decorations for every holiday, has a perfect Christmas tree up in the front window the day after Thanksgiving and hands out homemade cookies to all the neighbors on Halloween. All that combined with your large, anally neat backyard veggie garden is just too much for the rest of us to take. So please, go outside with your hair in rollers or show up wearing sweats once or twice. You're making the rest of us look bad. Mmkthxbye.
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Joined Aug 2005
Green
> bubble2 16,205 Posts
634 Reputation
KTMay
12-29-2008 at 02:56 PM.
12-29-2008 at 02:56 PM.
Dear farking Jackass,

You suck...REALLY suck and I hate you. I have never hated anyone in my life, but I think I hate you.

Watch your back.

Lovingly,

Kayte
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Joined Jan 2006
On the Nasty list
> bubble2 11,159 Posts
2,474 Reputation
redjen910
01-09-2009 at 02:00 PM.
01-09-2009 at 02:00 PM.
Dear Customer,

The handprints really do show on that brass headboard.

Sincerely,
The Cleaning Lady
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Joined May 2006
Superstar
> bubble2 11,859 Posts
4,207 Reputation
R.G.
01-09-2009 at 02:31 PM.
01-09-2009 at 02:31 PM.
Dear Neighbor,
I am not a safeway. Stop sending your kids over to my farking apartment everynight to "borrow" a cup of this or a can of that, or a lightbulb, batteries, tape, or whatever else you are too farking lazy to get at the store yourself! I think it's even getting embarassing for them to have to come over and ask! Ranting
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Joined Jan 2006
Nerd Circus: Ringmaster
> bubble2 19,213 Posts
2,792 Reputation
AggieMom
01-09-2009 at 02:50 PM.
01-09-2009 at 02:50 PM.
Dear sweet elderly hard-of-hearing neighbor,

I am not hard-of-smelling. Please stop buying those horrific cloying bathroom scent plug in things. They're terrible. And through some force of nature I'm not sure I can begin to understand, the scent drifts toward my house and sticks at my front porch. So people who come to my house thing we've all got perforated bowels and can't stand our own stench. Please stop. You live alone. Embrace your inner funk.

Thanks.

Quote from redjen910 :
Dear Customer,

The handprints really do show on that brass headboard.

Sincerely,
The Cleaning Lady
Rofl2
Reply
Last edited by AggieMom January 9, 2009 at 02:50 PM.
Joined May 2007
L0: Nobody
> bubble2 3,866 Posts
1,378 Reputation
hAvAAck
01-09-2009 at 04:32 PM.
01-09-2009 at 04:32 PM.
dear all of the assholes in this building,

i'm so happy i'm moving on monday, but until then please shut the fark up
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Joined Jan 2006
Nerd Circus: Ringmaster
> bubble2 19,213 Posts
2,792 Reputation
AggieMom
01-10-2009 at 11:00 AM.
01-10-2009 at 11:00 AM.
Dear backyard neighbor,

It's now 1:00 and your children have been blasting the same album non-stop since 9:00 this morning. I appreciate that they've been playing outside all day but I'm going slowly out of my mind. So I hope you won't mind if I parent your children from this side of the fence and let them know that if I can hear the music in the house in the room farthest from them - it's too loud.

kthx.
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Joined Jun 2005
It's Showtime!
> bubble2 1,734 Posts
397 Reputation
Peliman
02-05-2009 at 08:59 PM.
02-05-2009 at 08:59 PM.
Dear Second Floor Lurch,

WTF are you wearing getting ready for bed? Steel toed combat boots it sounds like. It's just a quirk but every night and morning thump thump thump. I hope that isn't Morticia up there.

ok I feel better now.
Reply
Joined Jun 2006
Jambi-rific in Seattle!
> bubble2 31,436 Posts
2,810 Reputation
Zoe Moon
07-08-2009 at 07:17 AM.
07-08-2009 at 07:17 AM.
Dear neighbor,

I'd just like to point out that having a child who screams as though she's being stabbed every 10 minutes is not normal. Please take the child to the doctor and find out what is wrong with her. That or quit letting her out into the yard, so I don't have to hear it.
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Joined Aug 2006
L8: Grand Teacher
> bubble2 3,085 Posts
859 Reputation
Original Poster
#sevenstinks
07-08-2009 at 07:35 AM.
07-08-2009 at 07:35 AM.
Quote from Zoe Moon :
Dear neighbor. I realize your dream in life is to be the next Martha Stewart but those of us who don't have such lofty aspirations are getting a bit tired of your Marthaness. Who on earth has three little ones at home yet still finds time to do homemade decorations for every holiday, has a perfect Christmas tree up in the front window the day after Thanksgiving and hands out homemade cookies to all the neighbors on Halloween. All that combined with your large, anally neat backyard veggie garden is just too much for the rest of us to take. So please, go outside with your hair in rollers or show up wearing sweats once or twice. You're making the rest of us look bad. Mmkthxbye.
Quote from Zoe Moon :
Dear neighbor,

I'd just like to point out that having a child who screams as though she's being stabbed every 10 minutes is not normal. Please take the child to the doctor and find out what is wrong with her. That or quit letting her out into the yard, so I don't have to hear it.
Is this the same neighbor? Not so Marthastewarty, if it is her. Maybe this is why the kid screams all the time.

Quote from KTMay :
Dear farking Jackass,

You suck...REALLY suck and I hate you. I have never hated anyone in my life, but I think I hate you.

Watch your back.

Lovingly,

Kayte
This made me laugh so fartknockin' hard. Nice and succinct.

Quote from redjen910 :
Dear Customer,

The handprints really do show on that brass headboard.

Sincerely,
The Cleaning Lady
OMG bounce yummy yummy yummy
Reply
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