Joined Aug 2006
L8: Grand Teacher
Forum Thread
Dear Neighbor
June 11, 2008 at
11:11 AM
in
Question
Complete this sentence with what you want to say to your neighbor, but won't.
Here is mine: Dear Neighbor, if we don't answer the phone please don't drive down here to see if we are home. We are, we are just ditching you due to your constant neediness.
Here is mine: Dear Neighbor, if we don't answer the phone please don't drive down here to see if we are home. We are, we are just ditching you due to your constant neediness.
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While I sit in awe of your bravery in washing your car when there is a full ban on outdoor watering, I am somehow confused as to why you think blasting your car radio to eardrum bursting decibels is the best way to ingratiate yourself to the rest of the neighborhood or is this your subtle way of saying every village needs its idiot?
Lady, puhhleese! I think your worry over your LDL levels killing you is misplaced. Your fear should be placed directly on the people in the third floor area. Listen, there are automatic air fresheners in the hall because of you cooking that foul smelling fish five days a week and our apartment is starting to look like a shamans voodoo hut with scented candles burning everywhere. Ever heard of tofu? If you notice a patch of hair missing anytime in the near future, I'll reunite you with it just as soon as this pin doll forces you to heed my commands.
Although I like dogs, I do not appreciate your yappy little dog. That won't shut up the moment I open my side door when it is outside fenced in. For gawd's sake, teach the thing to shut up, that I'm not going to step on it and kill it, though the thought has occurred to me. I just want you to shut it the fark up, so when I open my side door to talk to someone, I can farking hear what they have to say; just once, once in 19 years since I've lived here; and you and your grandparents have all had yappy farking dogs like this
Also, they are your tree leaves, clean them up once in a while, it would be appreciated
Please stop parking BOTH of your cars in the street. You have an entire driveway and a 2-car garage for that. I don't like having to slalum down the street to avoid your cars just to get to my driveway.
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What the hell are you doing down there? I've noticed that you cut down a lot of trees and have apparently bought some industrial sized back hoe, but it's just sitting there. Are you building a pool or something? Can I come over??
Dear Neighbor,
You look like an unpleasant biotch, it's not my fault my sister had to fire your daughter for stealing from a grocery store, there is no need to direct your crusty gazes in my direction when I drive down the street. And if you insist on standing in the middle of the road to hold one of your "neigborhood watch" meetings I will run over your equally unpleasant looking dog.
Dear Neighbor,
I couldn't help but notice you were Asian, thanks for moving into the neighborhood and making it the diverse place it is today. We take pride in housing the only Asian family in town. And will be sure to pass it along to everyone we talk to. ("That's right, that Asian family, yeah, they live on our street.) PS unlike your immediate neighbor, the crusty biotch, I quiet enjoy waving to you and your son when you check the mail
Thanks for watching our house, like a guard dog, when we are away. Thanks for mowing the lawn when we got back in town late due to Mom's illness. Also, thanks putting up the new mail box replacing the one some kid drove over.
You are the best! We are very lucky to have great neighbors like you!
When you have company, that tiny bit of curb on the edge of my property is not a place for them to park. My mailman would appreciate it if you had them pull into your driveway or park on the very long, mailbox free section of my or the other neighbors curb. If your guests can't walk that extra 10 feet, then maybe you should go to their house to visit them, instead.
I hope you get a good price on your house.
Thanks for watching our house, like a guard dog, when we are away. Thanks for mowing the lawn when we got back in town late due to Mom's illness. Also, thanks putting up the new mail box replacing the one some kid drove over.
You are the best! We are very lucky to have great neighbors like you!
You are welcome
Perhaps you will think twice before you call the police again because my kids have stepped on your grass. I have now filed a formal complaint with the city. They are VERY interested in the surveillance camera on your garage that is pointed in my backyard at the pool that my minor children play in. Just a thought! Oh, and you might want to watch the tape from around 11:00 pm last night, Hubby and I decided to entertain you!
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You are a jackass. Don't leave me nasty notes when I trim the trees that are hanging over the fence into my yard. Trim your own f*cking shrubbery. I don't give a shit if it was a vine that you have been growing for 30+ years. Not my problem, not my care.
Oh, and your 2 dogs are the dumbest, noisiest, meanest dogs I have ever encountered. I am considering shooting them the next time they come bark at me when I step out on my own front porch to get my mail. F*cking dogs. And I've called the city to let them know that you have a chicken and a rooster in the back yard. Kill those f*ckers already and eat them, or move to the god damn country. Hillbilly bastard.
Move your piece of shit car in to your garage, and while you're at it leave the engine running and close the door. And since it is a public street, don't bother my friends when they come to my house and park in front of your house. Leave them alone.
Thanks, 'preciate.